Poison
by Blahsblah2001
Summary: Dib tries to poison Zim. That gets kinda bad. Involves a giant mushroom and a lot of insanity. One-shot.


Dedicated to Karvian, for writing good reviews… a lot of good reviews…(Looks nervously out window, scanning the street.) Kind of violent, I guess. DIb tries to poison Zim, that gets kinda bad. Anyway, I still don't own any rights, despite having had talks with Jhonen about trading South America for them. Ah, well, maybe soon.

Dib was making a sneaky plan which was sneaky like some kind of sneaky thing all sneaky. (This will not end well.) This plan was to finally defeat Zim and get his dissected by scientists. Actually he hated the scientists, because they made him stay in the crazy house for boys and they didn't give him any food but pills that tasted funny, but since he escaped he decided that handing Zim over was probably the best thing to do.  
Anywho, Dib was going to finally defeat Zim by poisoning him. This shouldn't be too hard, seeing as Zim was horribly and desperately allergic to pretty much anything of Earth origin, and there was kind of a lot of Earth-originy stuff laying around, this being Earth and all.  
But Dib wasn't going to use just any old poisin, he was gonna use a really special poison that was poisonous to every thing Dib had ever heard of. But in order to build suspense, I'm not gonna tell you what the poisony stuff is, because I'm mean. FEAR ME!  
"Ahhahahahahahahaaa!" said Dib, seeing Zim approach the cafeteria where Dib was. Actually, Dib was behind the lunch counter, waiting to slip something into Zim's food. In order to avoid suspicion, Dib was disguised as a giant mushroom. This would not attract any suspicion, because there was all sorts of horrible mutated stuff behind the counter. The lunch ladies swore they didn't cook it, but we don't believe them, DO WE? I didn't think so.  
As Zim got in teh lunch line, and approached the corn basin, where Dib was hiding, Dib took out the bag of Poison things. He was planning to quickly slip them into the Corn before Zim scooped some out, but he timed it wrong, and he popped up to drop them at exzctly the time Zim was moving ahead in line. They ended up face to face. Zim looked curiously at Dib, the mushroom.  
"You certainly are hideous. It is difficult to look directly at you," Zim said, his voice full of sincerity.  
"Ummm.. thank you, little boy," Dib said, making his voice more mushroomy. "I, uh, have something for you. They're good, and would certainly not hurt you if you, were, say, AN ALIEN BENT ON ANNIHILATING ALL LIFE ON EARTH. Nope, not hurt a bit."  
"Well, if I were that thing you said, WHICH I'M NOT I would certainly hope not," Zim said, taking the poison things. "What are they?"  
"Ummm… candy," Dib said.  
"WELL OKAY THAN!" And with that, Zim marched off to his seat, the candy gripped in his hand. Dib, still dressed as a mushroom, ducked out from under the counter, and went to watch his evildoing. (SNEAKY EVILDOING)  
Zim, who liked Earth candy quite a bit, although he would not admit it even if you threatened to put him in a clothes dryer, Popped all six of the things into his mouth at once. They didn't taste like anything, so Zim figured that he had to chew them. He bit down, and the things crunched, filling his mouth with a horrible taste,and a lot of sharp fragments.  
"OOOOOOOOWWW!" Zim screamed, and spit the stuff out, along with a bit of green blood. It was really yucky looking and this made Dub happy cuz he likes yucky stuff, like removing organs and…STUFF!  
Zim stared at the shards of stuff on his tray. Slowly, he lifted up two of them fitting them together. He peered at the human writing on the side,and slowly it came to him.  
"Hey… wait a minute. This isn't candy… these are BATTERIES! AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!"  
Zim screamed, and Mushroom boy laughed.  
"Hey wait, I'm not a mushroom boy!"  
But it was too late. The next day the headlines had a picture of the mushroom boy on the cover. The headline read: EVIL MUSHROOM TRIES TO POISON POOR BOY WITH BATTERIES!  
Plus Zim didn't die. 


End file.
